History of a Shattered Mind

I was born with a Neurodivergency, I always was ADHD,

Even if I was late diagnosed, that was always me,

And during my childhood, someone caused me BPD,

Mostly with funny little jokes which were traumatic for me,

One of my caregivers was my first bully of the bunch,

I know he didn’t realize it, but it doesn’t change the outcome,

I spent years chasing dopamine, without even knowing,

And many more wearing a different mask every morning,

I’ve been many people trying to adapt,

As that caregiver made sure to let me know I was never enough,

Then someone I called a friend took my body as I told him to stop,

PTSD came in picture and took its rightful spot,

I didn’t know I was bipolar, but now I can see,

That its moods and behaviors were always a part of me,

Then my greatest love came, swept me off me feet,

He was so perfect, I asked myself where was the trick,

I wish I had listened to my instinct, at least that time,

He gave me kids and seven years of cheating and lying,

Gaslighting and love bombing, he was a mastermind,

But when I finally had proof i took back my life,

Too bad at that point I had CPTSD, and two kids to raise by myself,

As he continued to do all he could to make my life a living hell,

That’s the time in which I learned I was BPD,

But still nobody explained what that meant, to me,

Few years later I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder,

I started taking meds and my life went further,

Raising my kids kept me centered despite my depressions,

While hypomania only felt like a relief from the pressure,

And there it was another love, too good to be true,

At the beginning it was magic, then reality unlooped,

He was an addict, and during depression I followed his lead,

Becoming a slave of that quick and short, sort of relief,

Eventually I got out from the chains of drugs, and his manipulation,

But I was never the same after that situation,

Again narc abuse left inimaginable scars and pain,

Whereas drug abuse left unbearable guilt and shame,

During my longest depression, which lasted for a whole season,

I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, but left untreated for some reason,

It feels like my already fragile mind had been battered from life,

Leaving me in a limbo where surviving must suffice,

My life wasn’t meant to be like this, my brain is brilliant,

But already born sick, it was made worse by some villains.